There is Lava in My Throat (a rant by a sick mom who's tired of everyone being sick!!)

So last Monday night I heard the dreaded "moooooooommmmmyyyy!!!!" at around 3 am. It was the middle babe, and bless his wimpy heart, he is the hardest patient I've got in the Jones clinic for sure. His MO: follow me around screaming "it hurts, it hurts!" (much like the husky kid on the slingshot ride video - if you haven't seen this... google it) and disregarding every single piece of advice I give him.

"Mason you need to drink something." "No! It hurrrrrts, Janice!"

"Why don't you snack on some of these saltines?" "I don't like thoooooooooose."

"Mase, screaming makes it worse (probably not true, but anything for him to lower it down a few decibels)." "I caaaayaaaayaaaant helpppppp ittttt!"

Three days of that during my busy season and I was more than happy to see the pigment and the smile return to that boys face once the "bug"had passed. Next day... my turn. We were sitting at a friend's house (a neighbor friend!! Finally!! I know I seem desperate but Lort is it hard out there sometimes for a working mama to make new friends) at 9:38 pm. And my stomach hit the floor. Rut Ro, Raggy. Honey, I'll meet you at home. Pawned my Saturday appointments off on my coworkers and laid up all weekend long. Phew glad that's over!! I didn't even so much as wink at Evan while I was sick, so I was certain he didn't get sick.

Wrong.

"Babe, I'm gonna lay down I don't feel well."

Well isn't that great?! Not only did I get or give zero attention for the last five days, but now the second biggest baby of them all (truth hurts, honey) is puking all night long. Effing great. At least the baby hasn't been sick.

Oh, what's that? Teagan slept until noon on Tuesday and woke up with a 102 fever? Well 16 hours of sleep and a fever will make any mama take her baby roo to the doctor, so off we go. Give it to me straight, doc, it's been a hell of a week!

"Well... good news and bad news... instant strep test was negative, but she has flu B and there is nothing we can do at this point, really. Lots of fluids and rest for your little baby {dictator} there... we will culture the strep test for two days just to be sure, but I don't expect to find anything."

Whew at least it's not strep. For those that lost track, we are now at day 8 of illness in our home and I'm looking for the Punk'd cameras at this point. Ashton, joke's over, get your immature ass out here and cut it out!! Teagan is a BOSS when she is sick and she likes absolutely nothing and no one. She's my mean sickly one.

Next day at work... Me to my Wednesday client: "Wow... sorry about that. My throats is bothering me a bit today."

Me to Evan on Wed night: I'm pretty sure there is a blow torch in my throat right now.

Thursday morning... phone rings... and I'll be damned if the person on the other end didn't say: (hold your nose for full sound effect while reading this out loud)... "Hmmm, hello, Mrs. Jones, well unfortunately Teagan's strep culture has come back paaaaaasitive, so she needs some antibiotics."

S&!T!!!!!!!!! "Well ma'am that would make sense because I feel like I've either swallowed lava, or drank a handle of fireball, and am sick as a dog."

Awesome. Thankfully, I have the best mother in law in the world and she has been my wing lady all week!! My husband has been supportive and helpful and I have wonderful coworkers who have really stepped up to the plate, despite being sick themselves, and I couldn't have survived this week without them. TGI... almost Friday, which is one more day closer to Sunday! Serenity now!!

So here's to you, mama bear, for taking care of everyone in your family, just to end up with the plague yourself, as a grand finale to your week! #momlife #stillblessed #stillstressed #allowedtobitch #lavathroat #medicalreceptionistsmostlysoundthesame