There are no tigers in your room and no babies named Carlos in your home, but there are two border collies licking you in the face (eww) because they want to go outside, and a wild bird in the other room screaming "MOMMY!!!!! I WANT OUT!!!!!" Over the monitor. One eye opens. Sees the keys on the nightstand and knows you took it too far last night. Not because you drove home (remember Uber Phil?), but because you have the weirdest habit after too many spirits of placing your keys on the nightstand before bed. It's like you enjoy freaking yourself out for 5 seconds upon first awakening. You stare at the wall for a moment, coming to grips with the mistake that you just can't seem to learn a lesson from!! Fireball is handmade by the Devil himself in the deepest part of Hell, I'm convinced. 🔥🔥🔥
Okay, dumbass, time to get up! If you're gonna be dumb, you have to be tough! You look over at your mate and of course he is one of two things.... a. Drooling still and will sleep until 11:30 or b. Has been up since the roosters and plans to make your day as miserable as possible, because he feels more chipper than the toddler for some mysterious reason. Either way this day is going to suuuuuuuuuuuccckkkk!!!!!
You're a parent. You had a fun night out and now you must pay!! Why don't we ever learn from these "wild" nights?? I mean seriously, the hypothetical story I just told may or may not have happened to me more than 3 times in the last couple of years. Like for real, Lindsay Lohan, get a grip! I will say, though, the older I get the more I care about that next day that I am missing with my kids. Don't get me wrong, I still get up with them, and feed them, and take them to their activities, but with a pounding headache and queasy stomach, it can be a little difficult to get excited about a full day like that.
I think my main purpose for writing all of this was to say that there is no party fun enough, no karaoke song good enough, and no Mexican Pizza tasty enough to justify not giving 150% to my kids the next day. Of course they would never know I felt like death warmed over, but the guilty mama conscience in me knows that my partying days are likely behind me the older my little ones get. Grilling out with friends and beers or wine and Real Housewives with a best friend seems to be much more appealing than a wild night out these days.
Mark my words, though, when those little angels go off to college, this mama is puttin' her party pants right back on!! #nokidsnocontrol #partyanimal