The Parent Hangover - Part 1

Tonight's the night! It's 4:30 pm on a Friday and you are counting down the minutes until you get off work because you are KID FREE until tomorrow morning! Wahoo! Praise the Lort! Your niece is coming to spend the night with the minions while you and the husband paint the town with your friends like college kids again (with just a little bit bigger of a bank account now - until tomorrow). All day you have been debating on heels or wedges because let's face it, you look like a baby doe when you walk if you only wear the real deal once every 5 years. A face plant outside of the "club" is the farthest thing from hot, so you will probably choose the safer of the two options. Hey... silver lining... wedges still make your calves look good and you won't end your big night out in urgent care with a broken ankle. You bought a new shirt last weekend (you've been preparing for this for a while) and will squeeze into the tightest jeans possible to keep your momness in place. You're ready to go! Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Boom! 5:00... let's do this!

You rush home to shower, pre-game, and get all dolled up. The kids are playing nicely, the husband is on the way home, all is calm and good in the world because you're about to get turnt up. Yep, I said it, because the adrenaline you get when it's your turn to bring the party is pretty exciting when you're a parent of small children! Your hair is big, makeup's on point, and you say out loud "self - you is smart, you is kind, and you may get mistaken for Beyoncé tonight". Game time. #nokidsnocontrol

You meet at the local sports bar because every good night out starts with beer and wings {duh}. Your friends are equally as pumped, so you decide to kick it off right with a big ass shot of Fireball. That has never ended well before, but this time will be different, right?! Wrong, but let's do it anyways. Here's to you, here's to me, best of friends we'll always be.... you know the rest. What, girl?! You wanna sing? Let's go to karaoke! 🎤🎤🎤

"I Put Your Picture Away" featuring you and the hammered fella old enough to be your dad, who talked your drunk behind into singing it, never sounded so good! Shots shots shots, dance with your man, rap to Shoop (that's my go to jam at karaoke), and a drunken heart to heart with your besties. Then last call happens and... whoopsies! You did it again. Call the Uber, babe. Tomorrow's going to be rough!! That's when you and Uber driver Phil (whom you've talked into going through Taco Bell by offering to buy him whatever number on the board he wants) have a real heart to heart on the way home, philosophizing about all that is wrong with the world today. You made it! You're home safe and {somewhat} sound. Now for a little Marvin Gaye (unless you've had too much Fireball) and out for the night.

​Zzzzzzzzzzzzz............

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