See that baby angel up there? She looks sweet. She’s not.
I have a confession... I have a bully. She is three feet tall, four and a half years old, and makes me feel so dumb on a regular basis. She quite literally kicked me out of our family today. My response, “Listen here, ya little shit, I MADE the family. Like legit grew a couple of the members in my body. I’m like the President of the family (or Vice Prez depending on who you ask, I say tomato you say potato so whatever), so quit trying to kick me out!” Da fuq?! I gave up wine for the better part of a year for your cute little ass! (Other than the doctor recommended one glass a week - keep your judgement to yourself!) Her response... “I’m just going to hand this to dad since you aren’t in the family anymore.” 🤯 I’ll remember that when it’s time to pay for cheer classes next time.
That spicy meatball gets the most pleasure out of embarrassing me in PUBLIC. When there’s a crowd around, I hold my breath anytime that sassy mouth of hers opens. One time at the lake we were swimming at the back of the boat and were tied up with lots of lake friends. A very foul smell blew by us, we assumed from a cabin cruiser bathroom or something. While everyone is debating on what the rancid odor could be, my little lady decides to announce to the entire group that “it’s probably my mom’s underwear”... and lets out the most maniacal laugh I’ve ever heard. She gives zero shits.
*Side note, ALL of my laundry smells like Tide Pods, so her theory is far from reasonable.*
I am constantly asking her to stop picking on her ten year old brother and making him cry. She’s a savage, so I ask nicely... last thing I need is for her to turn her attention to me. Don’t need another roast session like she had at the lake. I grossly underestimated the low blows that little monster was capable of.
She walks around the house making announcements such as “Our internet sucks!” or “It’s fine, mom, I’ll pick all of my crap up later.” Ummmm.... is she four or fourteen?! Sometimes I think that “Boss Babies” are real, and she is the ring leader telling all of the other little people how to eff with their parents. She is the greatest actress in all of the land. She pretends to be a frightened camel every night the minute she hears the word “bedtime”. “I’m sooooooo thirsty.” “Mom, I’m afraid of the dark now. It’s new.” The best is when we get a babysitter and she gives us the guilt trip... “Mom, is Grandma even going to take good care of me?!” No, psycho, she’s going to lock you in the dog cage and withhold food and water until you get your mind right. Of course she is going to take good care of you, she’s your grandmother!
I appreciate her spunk and her zest for life, however, as I’ve stated in my mission statement, I’m trying not to raise assholes. She better shape up or ship out to West Point. Or I may just take a trip to the Betty Ford’s for a month or two to learn how to cope with my feelings of being bullied by my own spawn. She is smart and important, but we have some work to do in the kindness department. She is fine with her peers, it’s mostly family she roasts on a regular basis. I wouldn’t trade her for the world, though. I love her with my whole heart for my whole life, no matter how many times she cuts me with her words.
#nomorebullying #bossbaby #teaganfaye #theanxietymom #sendmetothebettyfords