Let us take a moment to reflect on the differences between men and women. Not to bitch about the other gender, because I am sure my female ways drive my better half equally as crazy as his do me, but a little observation can be healthy sometimes.
***Disclaimer: My husband is not guilty of all of the behaviors I am about to question. Some of them I hear from friends and thought they would be worth mentioning.***
Questions for the fellas...
Why is it that when the diaper is full of crap, your sense of smell becomes disabled until the mom is around? Y'all have got to tell us how to turn that feature off!! 💩 It's like a smell-off until one of us caves or says "not it!".
What on God's green Earth are you doing in the bathroom for an hour every day? Even if you are on the phone, isn't that uncomfortable after a while? The seat is far from made of memory foam, so it seems a little desperate to hide out in there for so long each day. Come on out, dads, your kids won't bite. Oh wait, they might. Never mind. Better stay in there. I'm going in next!
How do you not freak out when you are running late for something? I literally feel like my heart is a ticking time bomb when I am late for something, important or not (any of friends will tell you that punctuality is a real problem for me), and you are just gonna finish your show and then hop in the shower 5 damn minutes before we leave the house?!? No! Go dirty! No one will notice because you take 2-3 showers per day. Spray on a little Aqua (ladies you know that stuff is dreamy!) and get on the bus!!! I will not be the last one to our family Christmas party so that everyone can give the ridiculous pre-planned applause when we walk in because you forgot you needed to shave your face.
Dudes with babies/toddlers... diaper bags are life!! They are essential to surviving outside of the hub. Please stop forgetting them. We have an endless supply of wipes and dipes at home, and nothing pisses a mama off more than to have to stop on the way and buy unnecessary shit. Don't leave the house without the "pack pack"!!
When you deep clean one thing, like your truck for instance, why you give me the stank eye when I leave one gum wrapper in there? I pick up after you all day, ayyyyydayyyyy, and rarely say shit about it. My car looks like an atomic bomb went off inside (because of your children), but your ride looks like Xhibit just hooked your ass up. Just sayin'.
Why is man flu worse than woman flu? You get the sniffles and practically plan your funeral, while we get strep throat from one of the kids and have to press on. I have literally seen you almost cut your finger off and be less dramatic than the last sinus infection you had. Pull it together, man, the world is still spinning.
Last but not least, let's talk about sex. If you ignore us all day, please don't try to reenact The Notebook when the makeup comes off and our head hits the pillow. A little attention goes a long way during the day if you're trying to do the grown up at lights out.
Men, we love you! We appreciate you! If I wanted a partner exactly like me, I'd be Lebanese, but damn if I wouldn't like to understand you a little better! I'd love to hear a man's perspective on the scenarios mentioned above.
Inquiring Lady Minds