Excuse Me, Mummy Pig?

Every parent with multiple children has one, I’m convinced, that gives them a run for their money and keeps them on their toes. Mine is the baby, thank the Lort, or she would possibly be the only. Hold the judgement, please. I didn’t say that I don’t love her or that I would change one thing about her... I just mean she is a little more spirited than the older children. Don’t call DFCS on me. She gets food, baths, and honest to goodness every damn thing she ever asks for. That face. I can’t. (Yes I said it and I say it all the time! Move on.) Here are a few examples of how she likes to shake shit up around the Jones casa...

I went to Bunco the other evening. Sidebar:: Yes ladies, we are that age and if you aren’t part of a Bunco group then you are missing the party train. Think I’m joking? I’m not. Our husbands think we are going to throw dice and gossip, and we are really eating junk food, shooting fireball, talking shit, and trying to remember what number we are trying to throw and if we are trying to win or lose for the evening (even losers win at Bunco). I digress... back to mini Britney. I come home from Bunco a few hours later to find my youngest sticking feminine pads to the walls in the powder room.... like a ton of them! She was so proud. “Look Mommy! I did some art!” All the while, dad is upstairs yelling at 12 year olds on the headset playing call of duty. The older kids were entertained. Hell, I’dve let her do it too if I didn’t know how much that paint cost! My big kids have learned that with Bird (aka “her”) we have to pick our battles. And I was too busy acting like a college kid with Helen and Carol to be there to regulate.

She is definitely the most adventurous one of the brood. We were leaving for school the other day, after it took me an hour of negotiations with the terrorist to get her to wake up and get her shit together, and I opened the garage door per the usual. Something caught my eye in the garage and I paused to look... next thing I know, mini Mary Poppins is holding onto the ledge of the bottom of the garage door riding it all the way to the top. Not scared at all! Her response (in her normal British accent... we will get to that): “What mummy, I was just going up up up?!” Nothing like a heart attack and an anxiety day dream of your kid cutting off her arm in a garage door to make you confident in pulling out of the driveway and tackling your day. From swinging from the kitchen light (which has happened more than once) to using the back of the couch to get down (every time... I’m pretty sure she thinks our house is the American Ninja Warrior course and Evan and I are the commentators) that little nut keeps us on high alert with the doctor on speed dial and a defibrillator handy (for me) at ALL times!

The most recent topic of conversation regarding the Teagan follies is the new accent she has picked up from the “hi-pad”. This child LOVES Peppa Pig 🐷. So much so that she occasionally refers to me as “mummy pig” (you can imagine how that must make this momma feel) and her dad as “daddy pig”. Everything she says these days sounds like a spice girl. She randomly oinks and says things like: “When IIIIII was a little piggy, I used to eat bahbecue!” Oy vey. Not only is she certifiable, now she is a cannibal too?! Whether she is telling me that she needs to take a sleep, or that she would like to ring her grandmother, the accent never fades. I think the best, though, was when SP Fox was practicing his pony tail skillz and she was wiggling all around. He told her to stop it because it was not funny. Her reply (in full character, of course): “It’s a BIT funny, dadday.” I’ve got to get this kid an agent.

When we tell people the ages of our children, usually the next question is “Oh, how are the big kids with the little one?” The real question is how do they tolerate her bossy, crazy, English toddler self?! The answer to that is simple, though. That child has a heart of gold. She lights up a room with every joke and “good idea” she has! She is the perfect finale for our blended little family and life just wouldn’t be the same without her in it. I love her guts and wouldn’t change her crazy ass for anything!

Wish me luck, friends, I have to open the garage door tomorrow to get out again.

#needmorewine #raisingaBrit #theanxietymom